Lessons Learned

They said you would learn a lot with the coming of a baby. You would learn patience, love, discipline, true fatigue, and grace. I have learned a lot and I would like to share.

Be The First To Say You're Sorry: Trivial things become big in marriage when a little stress maker comes along. I was told this would be an issue but I promised Caleb we would handle it better than every other couple out there. Ha. Pride is a big one and when you cast it aside and approach the other with a humble and apologetic heart, your spouse's heart will melt too. Hopefully. Issue dissolved.

In Marriage, Do Not Take Everything So Personally: There is a lot on your mind when caring for a baby. How many more hours until I have to feed him again? Why is he crying? Why won't he sleep? What if I drop him? What should I eat for lunch that is super fast? The last thing you need to be worrying about is why didn't he text me back right away? Why is he so quiet? Why is he working so much? I wonder if he is disappointed I have a mom body now? Don't take it personally. Your man is going through just as much with this huge change in his life as you are. He is processing, grieving his bachelor life, grieving his wife's body that used to be only his, and is equally tired and stressed about how he is going to pay for the hospital bills, doctor bills, and diapers. Give him some room and do him a favor by not putting your emotional stability on his plate too. Advice noted. I'll try that next time.

Turn Off Your Cell Phone: When you pull your eyes away from Facebook, text messages, Pinterest, and email, you will notice a whole world out there to feast your eyes on. The peace and trust on your child's face as he nurses, the crazy neighbor riding his bike with an American flag attached to his seat, the leaves slowly yet quickly opening up the Spring sun. Plus, now I have two hands to hold my baby instead of an awkward one.

Your Baby Loves Your Voice: Whether you are a famous opera singer or tone deaf, your baby will coo and sing along to your beautiful voice. He has heard it for nine months in the womb and it is the safest noise he knows. I don't talk much, especially when no one is home, but talk about anything with your baby. My husband is a pro at this. He just tells him what he is doing and pretends Locklan asked why to give him more to talk about. I'm working on it.

A Smile Goes A Long Way: It is something else to get up in the middle of the night or wee hours of the morning cranky and tired only to find a smiling baby greeting you from his crib. Your irritation melts away and a smile bursts from your face. His smile is so innocent and full of joy. Smiles truly are contagious. My goal is to do more of it not just with my own baby but with strangers I pass on the street.

Maybe May

Whelp, April is over with and I was not so good about keep up with my "All Out April" challenge goal. I worked pretty hard the first half of the month and it petered out after that. It got a little redundant doing the same workout video over and over and then finding the time to get Lock to my husband's work for a run was just draining. Excuses excuses. Yeah well.. I bought a running stroller. Yay! So May will be a different story!  Plus the Bolder Boulder will top my month off in the end. It will be a good month. The "Maybe May" challenge.

Any challenges you guys have come up with? Be creative! Let me know!

Nana's House

I took a mini vacation to my mama's house. Walking into her house, I immediately feel cozy and a part of something special. She always has little touches of the season throughout her house. Bright leaves in the corners and on the piano for fall, boughs of pines on the banister for winter, and of course my favorite tulips from papa on the coffee table for spring.

It was just me and Lock this time. I left Caleb at home giving him the chance to catch up on sleep and stay up late with his pals. It was also a chance for my mama to get to know Lock a little bit better and spend hours catching up over tea with me!

My mama is now called Nana. She loves her new role of  being a grandma. She shared with me the other day how after being a grandma, she realizes what she missed out on as a mother. New to the role and usually young, a mother can get caught up in the shoulds and stresses of doing what she needs to for the baby to keep him alive. Life is just one poopy diaper to the next with maybe a sip of coffee in between. Life goes by in a blur as your baby grows from scrawny helpless baby to gurgling drooling love bug, to running-away-from-a-spanking toddler. Then they graduate. Though we try to enjoy each moment with out little ones, we often look forward to the first smile, first time they sit up, first walk, or first day of school. Not only are we new mothers, we are still wrapped up in a busy social life, school, or a career. It is hard to balance sometimes.

What my mother learned in her first years as a grandmother is that life isn't about what is happening in the world around us. Life is our little ones. It's simple, but profound. As a grandmother, she gets to live each moment fully devoted to her grandson when he is around. Because of that focus solely on her grandson, she has been able to witness things a busy mother trying to balance laundry or another child might miss.

So, as a mother, how can I translate the life of a grandmother into my own life? My life is Locklan David.

Locklan: 3 months

This blog originally started as a window into Locklan's life so family and friends from a distance could see him grow and hear updates on his little quirks. Then I got sucked in to all the neat things in the blogging world via my good friend. So distractions aside, let me give you a little bit of Locklan.

Lock is now three months old. He holds his head up pretty well now and gurgles little conversations to himself in the mirror. He now holds onto a rattle and tries to put it in his mouth. I can't wait for him to be giggling and sitting on the floor putting everything in his mouth! No joke. I'm excited for that.

FAVORITE THINGS: He loves to stand. Standing has got to be his ultimate favorite activity and gets very proud of himself while doing it. He already laughs when he toots and he thinks it is the greatest thing ever when you tap his nose. He loves his Irish lullaby and is beginning to be acquainted with the idea of sitting.

And he is still a sleepy head.

Currently ~ Colorado Spring

A friend of mine does this every once in a while and I thoroughly enjoy reading what she is up to, currently. I pray she doesn't mind my taking her idea.

LOOKING FORWARD TO: Colorado Spring. Where are you warm breezes, sunshine, and tulips? The seasons seem to be shifting forward. Ugly brown death in December, 70 degree sunshine in January, Beautiful Christmas snowfalls in March, the crazy cold winds of March in April, and not a blossom or warm rainfalls of April to beckon May blossoms. My prediction? Zero spring replaced by blistering summer heat of July. Sigh.

READING: Pride and Prejudice. The wonderful classic by Jane Austin of course. I have watched the newer film multiple times (once while in sync with a good friend living in Boston over the phone). With a literature degree, focus in Victorian Literature, one would think I would have read it by now. Nope. I haven't read Romeo and Juliet either. Fail in the literature department. 

WRITING: As much as possible. Writing doesn't come easily to me. I have a tendency to think too much and edit my sentences as I write preventing me from getting further than a few sentences before I give up over laziness. Or I forget what I was writing about.  

LISTENING: A podcast about the arts of parenting. It is plum full with inspiring pieces of advice and guidelines on raising children to be obedient and respectful without crushing their natural spirits or forming them into little copies of their parents. I have noticed that the youth of my generation and the next have zero respect for anyone or themselves and have no structure or tools to help them through life after high school. Their parents do everything for them and are basically ruled by them too afraid to upset their children and cause tantrums. This podcast gives parents the tools to be.. well, parents. Guardians and providers, not authoritarian dictators or flimsy pushovers. Anyways, hard to give this gem justice. You'll just have to listen for yourself. 

In This Moment

The life of a mom can be hard to balance getting things done and slowing down and just enjoying the surprise smiles and leg kicks. I have yet to capture a picture of his smile so you will have to suffice with his feet. 

Some days can consist of just getting from one nap to the next so I can have my arms free to do the dishes, laundry, tidy, or to just sit and read a book with a cup of tea. His waking cry then becomes something to dread instead of an opportunity to learn the new quirks of Lock.

Watching Lock interact throughout his day, I have learned something. I think Lock has got it right. Whether he understands the philosophy behind his actions or not (he doesn't) every minute of his day is life. Every minute he is learning new things: how to wiggle his fingers, grasp colorful toys, or even just focus his eyes on his mother's face. Most importantly, he is learning (or rather I am learning) more about himself. He loves to be cuddled to sleep, but only if you're not trying to multitask. I can wrap him up tight in his softest blankie, pop in his pacifier and cradle him against my warm body. But if I pull out my phone to try texting a friend, updating my status, or stalking others on Facebook, he squirms and whines and spits out his pacifier kicking his legs with discomfort. I put my phone down and cradle him with both arms, holding him tight. zzzzzz. I gingerly pull my phone out again and his eyes pop open. Gah! What?! Can't a girl have a life?

Sighing, I put my phone away and rock him again and look out the window. The sun is just peaking over the tops of the houses, its rays causing the snow to ignite into sparkles. The bare tree branches are painted white with the sticky snow and small puffs of smoke come up from the rooftops of neighboring houses. Am I in a fairy tale? Yes, Lock. You're right. Enjoy this moment.

Life is not about the next minute, the next event, the next set of drama. It is where you are right now sitting next to your hubby. The silence doesn't need to be filled, the idle time doesn't need to be made productive. THIS is my life. These moments that I let pass by with no second thought. My baby is growing so big already (rather too big for my little arms to be comfortable) and I wonder what minutes I might have missed because I want to know what everyone else is doing. In this day and age, we need to keep moving moving moving or we will get left behind in the latest fashions, technologies, or gossip.

But what about our families? Are we passing them up by moving too fast? Grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine and sit down with your spouse/friend/child and enjoy the moment. This moment.

Success!

Whew! It's been a while, for sure. Sorry guys. In fact, it's almost been two weeks. Let me update you on my victories! Since this blog is supposed to be positive and not about rants. Actually, it's supposed to be honest but I'm trying to live a more positive life, honestly.

I started about a month ago exclusively breastfeeding. If you have read my earlier posts, you will remember that I struggled quite a bit with Lock latching, staying latched, staying awake, low milk supply, and guilt with formula feeding. To remedy the low milk supply I tried pumping and feeding so I could monitor how much Lock was eating. That was exhausting but my stress fell off my shoulders knowing I wasn't starving my child and that his crying wasn't hunger but maybe something else. Then the doctor told me I was feeding him too much. Ironic. But since I knew how much I was making because of pumping, I decided to face my fears and try only breastfeeding him again. I was terrified my life would go back to feeding him every hour and a half and that I wouldn't get any sleep again (Lock was sleeping 6-8 hours at this point) and I would again feel those dreaded feelings of failure. I told myself if his time between feedings shortens, I will just go back to pumping. Easy as that. I gave myself a finish line of four days and we would take it from there, God willing. Yes, I would shoot God a prayer for success every once in a while but never really having the faith that it would change.

Four weeks later....

Success! Exclusively breastfeeding! I knew it I knew it I knew it. And he only takes 20 minutes to eat now instead of the looming hour and a half. Cherry on top!

Whether Lock needed time to grow, or my milk supply needed some help to increase, there was a growing period of patience and perseverance. Determination as well? I had given up hope and was counting the days to 3 months when I would just switch over to formula for pure convenience and sanity's sake. Whatever caused my doctor to try and hide his reaction of disappointment or did I read him wrong when I told him I was heavily supplementing with formula, it kicked my determination button to have faith, jump off the cliff, and make the decision to try at it again. Plus, I was embarrassed to tell him I had given up.

All this to say, there is hope out there ladies (who might be struggling with breastfeeding right now)! After the first few weeks with Lock, I thought my dreams of being a good breastfeeding mom were not possible for me and my little one. No saving money, no nursing on the go, or having a smaller diaper bag. At two months, we did it Lock! Give yourself time, do what you can to relax yourself and avoid whatever stresses you out. Take a deep breath and remember, both you and your little one are still learning.

Random embarrassing thought: does/did anyone else wish human babies could be like animal babies (specifically horses) where they can stand and suck perfectly in just a few hours after birth? Shoot.. I'm taking this honesty thing too far...